Why We Love Children

[firecrest]

>>Why We Love Children !
>>
>>1) NUDITY
>>
>>I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
>>when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and
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d. She
>>was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
>>5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing
>>a seat belt!"
>>
>>2) OPINIONS
>>
>> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a
>>note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by
>>this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
>>
>> 3) KETCHUP
>>
>> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During
>>her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
>>answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
>>right now. She's hitting the bottle."
>>
>>4) MORE NUDITY
>>
>> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
>>women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
>>shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The
>>little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter,
>>haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
>>
>> 5) POLICE # 1
>>
>>While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I
>>was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
>>down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a
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?" "Yes," I answered
>>and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed
>>help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right,"
>>I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward
>>me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
>>
>> 6) POLICE # 2
>>
>> It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of
>>the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
>>barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a
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you
>>got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the
>>boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he
>>said, "What'd he do?"
>>
>>7) ELDERLY
>>
>> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
>>elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my
>>afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
>>appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
>>wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth
>>soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
>>of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth
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>>will never believe this!"
>>
>>8) DRESS-UP
>>
>>A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
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. When she
>>saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't
>>wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always
>>gives you a headache the next morning. "
>>
>> 9) DEATH
>>
>>While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
>>minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly
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e his collar
>>wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a
>>
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robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they
>>had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and
>>
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e ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was
>>chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
>>intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
>>"Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole
>>he goooes."
>>
>>
>> 10) SCHOOL
>>
>> A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
>>just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I
>>can't write and they won't let me talk!"
>>
>>
>>11) BIBLE
>>
>> A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
>>fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
>>Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an
>>old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look
>>what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?"
>>With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think
>>it's Adam's underwear."

[nutcracker]

Brilliant

[NuttySupplier]

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7, 8 and 9 are priceless!

[satnav]

They are really good. If any body has any good quotes kids have
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e about Christmas I'd love to read them, I've just spent the last month trying to come up with funny captions for Quitting Holywood greetings and just when I thought it was all over they sent me 30 new
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's mostly featuring kids getting ready for Christmas. Any
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s that I manage to sell I'll happily go 50/50 with the contributor.

[ruby_tuesday]

Heard today in a carol practice...

The music teacher was asking various children to say the lines to see how well they had learnt them.

"Frankenstein to offer have I"

I expect baby Jesus would have loved a present of Frankenstein! This wasn't a case of a child deliberately changing lyrics either.

[NuttySupplier]

Hi satnav, welcome to the forum! Sounds like a great job you have there! Will keep an ear out for them...

[satnav]

Thank you Ruby and Nutty. Hopefully I've finished with all the Christmas captions now having sent in about 200
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s altogether I need to sell the company 4 more
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s before the end of December to qualify for an annual bonus. Through out the year they tend to send me pictures of kids and animals to captions so I'll have to try and post a few up in the new year.

[NuttySupplier]

I'm sure we can come up with 4 more in the next few weeks... chocolate and wine on you if we do?! Good luck with it!

[firecrest]

Another long email I wanted to share, I particularly liked the ending.

>>Why We Have Moms" answers given by elementary school age children
>>to the following questions:
>>
>>Why do we have mothers?
>>1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
>>2. Mostly to clean the house.
>>3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
>>What ingredients are mothers
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e of?
>>1. Clouds and
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hair and everything nice in the world and one
>>dab of mean.
>>2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly
>>use string, I think.
>>Why do you have your mother and not some other Mom?
>>1. We're related.
>>2. The doctor knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms
>>like me.
>>What kind of little girl was your Mom?
>>1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
>>2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
>>pretty bossy.
>>3. They say she used to be nice.
>>What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
>>1. His last name.
>>2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
>>drunk on beer?
>>3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and
>>YES
>>to chores?
>>Why did your Mom marry your dad?
>>1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a
>>lot.
>>2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
>>3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
>>Who's the boss at your house?
>>1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
>>goof ball.
>>2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
>>the bed.
>>3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than
>>dad.
>>What's the difference between moms and dads?
>>1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at
>>work.
>>2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
>>3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power
>>'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your
>>friend's.
>>4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.
>>What does your Mom do in her spare time?
>>1. Mothers don't do spare time.
>>2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
>>What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
>>1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind
>>of plastic surgery.
>>2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
>>If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
>>1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
>>rid of that.
>>2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister
>>who did it and not me.
>>3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her
>>back.
>> THE MOMMY TEST
>>I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.
>>She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her
>>mouth.
>>I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
>>"Why?" my daughter asked
>>"Because it's been lying outside, you don't know where it's been,
>>it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
>>At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
>>asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
>>"Uh," ...I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on
>>the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
>>Mommy."
>>We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was
>>evidently
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ing this new information.
>>"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you
>>have to be the daddy."
>>"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my
>>heart.
>>When you're finished
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ing, send this to a Mom.

[NuttySupplier]

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Some lovely stuff there...

I got a few:

Kids asked - What is love?

Love is hugging, love is
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ing, love is saying no.

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend you hate.

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening the presents and listen.

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.

When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.